Yep

I remember a few years ago, I was sitting on the couch at the house my sister and I lived in. We had made plans to go on a hike the next day after a few months of pretty horrible stuff. It was my way of wanting to connect with my sister, and maybe hers too. She came out from her bedroom and sat next to me on the couch and said, "I'm SO excited!", and started crying. She had explained to me that she hadn't felt that way in a really long time, if ever. I thought I knew what she meant when she had said this, and part of me replied "yeah, yeah, I'm excited too... it'll be great", knowing full well that for whatever reason this meant a lot to her.

It's been about 5 years since that night, and I finally get what she meant. After having weened off of my depression medications I am able to feel everything better; I feel pain better, I feel sadness better, I feel love more deeply, and yes even excitement. It's a visceral feeling, something that I wouldn't be able to explain even if I tried. It's a feeling that originates in my heart, or my bones, or somewhere indescribable, that permeates every cell of my being. It's the kind of feeling that reminds me how truly beautiful life is, how full of surprises our lives can ALWAYS be, and as cliche as it sounds, fucking beautiful.

I told my sister that day that I finally understood what she meant. What it meant to feel things deeply, and no longer be clouded by a buffer of chemicals. I felt relieved, and free, and scared the darkest parts of my depression would return, but oddly at peace with this. There is no good without bad, no dark without light, and certainly no hope, excitement, and faith without utter despair.

My sister replied, "It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it!?"

Yep.